Chapter 39. Damn.
Chapter 39, the resurfacing of the 09 year old abandonment issues. You thought you were done, you thought you stuffed down those feelings, you repressed them lower and lower, and now it's crept in on what you held most dear.
The lesson never learned became the most expensive. Not a call, not a text, or a disassortative response contending my feelings. Simply nothing, just cold nothingness. All of these years of pouring into a flower just to watch it reject your touch, refuse your nourishment, wilt in your presence.
Is this my fault, or simply something born from a path of the easiest. Is this I lost sight of them, or just what was always going to be. It seems like of all the hills to die on, this being the one is kind of the one without honor. Shivved in the night unsuspectingly by those who I swore to lead, slowly he's bleeding out but he's continuing, for what he doesn't know. But he's here.
Feeling abandoned like the 09 year old him often did. Feeling lost and without purpose as if he was starting his life all over, except with the weight of it all over the last 30 years. It is what it is, but I'm still here. Weathered, beaten, and bleeding.