It got Dark but I grew Strong
On this the last day of my birth year I like to write reflective posts. This year feels like it was the hardest, at least in a while. The darkness slipped in over and over. A year of warring in my head, in my spirit, within myself. She stood by like the rock she is. The grounding stone for our family while I was all over in chaos and well self destruction.
Then it all changed came October, my eyes were opened to the notion I don't have to bear it all. I don't have to wear the guilt and shame of it all. And some wasn't even mine to bear. The trials and tribulations seemed unbearable, but we endured them. When it felt like all rain, they were the sun. Until I learned that it beams in me as well, I just had to stop snuffing out the light I have to give.
Relationships tested. Strained and struggling, but manifesting their courses to turn vice wallowing in the circumstances as they present themselves. A few pearls shared that helped me through the year.
"You've wanted to heal and help everyone, but you have to heal you first."
"You can suffer a long time or a short time, only you choose."
I met some amazing souls, and grew out of the swallowing quick sand that was PTSD and high functioning reclusively. I'm not where I will be with it, but better than I've ever been. I can honestly say I love myself for the human I'm becoming, and be at peace with who I was.
The metamorphosis is happening, I'm the gooey mess of the in-between of a caterpillar turning butterfly. The best part is no one has to approve, no one has to like it, because this is my experience and no one else's.
I look forward to the abundance of 39 and grateful for all that 38 had to teach me.